What text through yonder cell phone chimes?
Dad enjoys one of his daughter's homework assignments even if she doesn't. Maybe it shouldn't be called "homework". Wherefore not call it "homeplay"?
My high school freshman daughter came home with a fun writing assignment:
Using Act 2, Scene 2 of Romeo and Juliet as inspiration, recreate how that scene might unfold in a modern-day texting conversation. Don’t try to translate every phrase. Just capture the vibe.
She got this assignment with plenty of time to work on it at a leisurely pace, but she prefers to max out the pressure and anxiety before every deadline, so she told me about it and asked for help with only a couple hours to go. Since she is raised in an era of internet and electronically-submitted assignments, deadlines are always “midnight” and pleading for help invariably happens as Mom and I are Netflix-and-zilching before bed.
“That sounds fun!” says I, who enjoys writing, or at least, having written. “What happens in that scene?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, let me read it.” I read it, and it’s one of the most famous scenes in all of Shakespeare-dom. It’s Juliet on a balcony, gushing about Romeo without realizing at first that he’s listening.
It’s “But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?” (Cool rhythm. I wonder if there’s a name for that?)
It’s “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though Romeo?”
It’s “a rose by any other word would smell as sweet.”
It’s “Parting is such sweet sorrow.”
It’s a couple of lovestruck teenagers, whose families are at war, mooning over each other, saying “You’re the schmoopie!”, “No, you’re the schmoopie!” in Shakespearese, refusing to hang up first at the end of the call.
Since I’m fully grown and have a working vocabulary that’s still almost 80% of what it was at my vocabulatory high thingie, I can read this scene and understand the beats and the tone, even if a few words or phrases escape my understanding. When I was my daughter’s age, I needed a lot more hand-holding to make any sense of Shakespeare’s words, so I am joyous to holp.
At this point, I spoon-feed my daughter what happens in the scene, cleverly disguising my contribution as the Socratic Method so the spoonfuls feel like her own insights.
“You know which characters talk in this scene. Is it a conversation they arranged the time and place for?”
“No, Romeo just shows up.”
“Good. So when Juliet notices him, she starts talking?”
“No, she just starts talking out loud.”
“That’s when Romeo tells her he’s there?”
“No, he just listens at first. He’s sort of a stalker.”
“Then what happens?
My deer daughter is frozen in Shakespeare’s headlights. No clue.
“Does Juliet just go on and on while Romeo listens the whole time?”
“No, she figures out he’s there.”
“Then what happens?”
Trapped in the Bard’s high beams.
“Do they talk about the weather and local sports teams?”
“No.”
“What do they talk about?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are they tongue-tied and have nothing to say?”
“No, they say a lot of words.”
“What are the words about?”
“They wish they had different names.”
“Why? Do they think their names sound stupid?”
“No. Their families hate each other, so their names make their love forbidden.”
“Do they agree to stay apart because of their families?”
“No, they talk about how they love each other.”
“What’s the tone like? Are they formal and guarded, or more romantic and mushy”
“Romantic and mushy.”
“Does this go on all night?
“No, someone tells Juliet she has to come in.”
“Then what happens?”
Headlights.
“Juliet goes in and the scene is over?”
“No, they say good night.”
“Short good night or long good night?”
“Long good night.”
“Then what happens?”
“She finally goes in and Romeo leaves.”
“Good. Can you summarize those basics of what happened into a few sentences you can use as an outline for your text conversation?”
This deer does not know how to get out of the road.
“How about something like: ‘Juliet starts talking about Romeo while he eavesdrops. When she realizes he’s there, they get all mushy and romantic for a while. When she has to leave, neither one wants to end the conversation first. Eventually they leave.’”
“Yeah, that sounds good. Could you say that again so I can write that down?”
“It would be better to use your own words, even for the outline. What matters is you’re capturing the beats - the key points - and the progression, not using specific words I give you.”
“Okay, but could you say it again?”
“Juliet doesn’t know Romeo can hear while she’s talking about him. Then she notices him and they get mushy with each other. They keep saying goodbye at the end because neither one really wants it to end.”
“That’s good. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Don’t use my exact words, though. Make it your own. Compared to other assignments I’ve seen, this one looks fun. Have fun with it.”
I left her to her work and as of 11pm, she had not had fun with it. Mom tapped in and one way or another I think our daughter turned in some blend of her work, my work, and Mom’s work.
I was determined not to “suggest” actual texts that risked becoming included in the finished product, but I did, in fact, think this was a fun assignment, even if my daughter didn’t. Just for shits and giggles, I completed this assignment myself. With no grade or paycheck at stake, sometimes work is fun if you call it something besides “work”.
[Due to the formatting limitations of Substack, I can’t format the exchange to look like texts, but in the mobile phone of your mind, imagine these as text bubbles on Romeo’s phone.]
Jules: … [typing]
Romeo: Who dis?
Jules: … [typing]
Romeo: Must be a long text. Is this Juliet?
Romeo: You hot, girl. Like sun hot. I get tan just thinking ‘bout you.
Jules: Umm…
Romeo: Gotta be Juliet. Wazzup, Jules?
Jules: I’m looking for Romeo’s number. I want to text him. 💬
Romeo: ‘Sup?
Jules: What should I text Romeo? 🤔
Romeo: You realize your sending me, right? Am I s’posed to see ur texts?
Jules: Tell Romeo I want him to change his last name to Rose.🌹
Romeo: Call me Rose, Jules!
Jules: OMG!!! Is someone seeing these? 👀 I thought I was in Drafts! 🫣 Who is this?
Romeo: Mr. Rose, according to you, my delicate flower.
Jules: OMG!!! Romeo? Is that you?? 🤸♀️🤸♀️🤸♀️
Romeo: Rose, Romeo…whatever. Call me what you want. You want me.
Jules: Romeo, you should change your nick or my family will block you. 📵 You should get out of my DMs before they notice you.🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️🏃♂️➡️
Romeo: It’s okay, I’m using a VPN.
Jules: How did you get into my DMs?? 🤯
Romeo: You’ve texted before, right? I saw the dots so I just waited for you to hit send. I didn’t have to hack any passwords.
Jules: You hacked my password?! 💻🔐😲
Romeo: No, you just popped on my screen. Are you really 18?
Jules: I’m blushing so hard right now.😊😊😊😊😊😊
Romeo: You’re cute. I like you.
Jules: Do you “like me” like me?🥰
Romeo: No, I love you like you.
Jules: OMG! I love you, too❣️ Do you for reals love me?😍
Romeo: I swear by the moon.
Jules: I didn’t know you could swear by the moon.🌛 You’re so romantic. 💝💐💞
Romeo: You’re romantic.
Jules: OMG. My babysitter🤮 just said it’s bedtime and she’s turning off my wifi in 5 minutes. 😭
Romeo: Go on. I’ll think about you every minute we’re apart. Send pics?
Jules: This is so unfair. I don’t want to go. 😭😭😭
Romeo: Send pics?
Jules: Can you draw me a picture before I go? 🖼️
Romeo: I can send a pic if you send a pic. Use flash.
Jules: Pics help me sleep. Will you help me sleep? 😴
Romeo: Yes. Taking now. 🍆 Are you taking a pic?
Jules: …
Romeo: Jules?
Jules: …
Romeo: Babysitters suck. Send that pic when you have wifi, ‘kay? 🍑